


Family Reunions Are More Fun When You're Dating Someone

by SaltnBurnIt



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Fingering, M/M, Masturbation, POV First Person, Sexting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 01:31:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3832135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltnBurnIt/pseuds/SaltnBurnIt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course Levi had to work so I was stuck going to the Jaegar family reunion by myself.  Guess I'll have to find a way to entertain myself...  My mother has no shame.</p><p>Inspired by a tumblr text post that said "Be with someone who sexts you at family gatherings".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family Reunions Are More Fun When You're Dating Someone

Wrinkled hands reached up and squished my cheeks together painfully, “Oh Eren, you’ve gotten so big.” The elderly woman dragged me down to her level by my reddened cheeks, placing a kiss on my forehead.

 

Thanks, grandma, but I stopped growing like five years ago.

My grandmother finally let go, moving her attention over to Mikasa right next to me. Stealthily slinking away, I subtly rubbed at my forehead in an attempt to get the dark lipstick off. Finding the people I was looking for, I ran up and hugged the slender woman from behind, causing her to jump and curse loudly.

 

“Language, mother!” I chuckled, squeezing her even tighter and lifting her off the ground. After I placed her back on her own two feet, she turned around and gave me a constricting hug.

 

She released me to look around and behind me. Not finding who she was looking for, she gazed into my eyes and asked, “Was Levi not able come, sweetie?”

 

Shaking my head, I answered, “Nah, he had a new bunch of kids starting boot camp this week. You know how much he loves intimidating the newbies.”

 

She sighed, “That’s a shame. I’ll let him know that you two are coming over for dinner next weekend, then.” Mom pulled out her phone, tucking her long hair behind her ear while texting my boyfriend.

 

Sensing my adopted sister walk up to stand behind me, I gave her a quick sibling fist bump while I laughed at my mom’s antics. “I love how you just demand and not ask if we can actually come over.”

 

Raising an eyebrow and glancing up from the screen of her phone, Mom smirked, “I know you two well enough that if I ask, you’ll both find an excuse not to go. So if I tell you two that you are visiting, you _will_ do it.”

 

Not able to argue with her logic, I shrugged in response before finally greeting my father with a brief hug. He patted me on the back before letting go and asking me how I was doing. I gave the normal response of ‘Good. How are you?’ before feeling my phone buzz and the text alert sound off in my back pocket. I stepped away from Dad to look at the text I received.

 

**Levi: Why is your mother demanding that we come over for dinner on Sunday?**

I sighed before replying.

 

**Eren: Mom was upset that you would rather make kids piss themselves than see her at our family reunion.**

I looked up to see that my parents had made their way over to a large circle of shitty lawn chairs surrounding a fire pit. With most of them being taken up by the other Jaeger family members, I was lucky enough to get a seat between my mom and Great-Uncle Larry. My phone chimed a text alert loudly, making everyone’s heads swivel towards me. Quickly apologizing, I set my phone to vibrate and peeked at Levi’s response.

**Levi: What can I say, I love pulling these delinquents’ heads out of their asses just to shove my foot up it.**

I sniggered quietly, not wanting to interrupt my mother’s conversation with Aunt Gabi about who was sleeping with whom on their favorite reality tv shows. On my other side Great-Uncle Larry was chatting with his deaf wife about god knows what. I think he’s going on about how he thinks their garden gnomes are planning a coup d’état and are going to murder him while he’s on the shitter. That man needs to go into a retirement home and should probably get some stronger medication.

**Eren: Lol I do wish that you came with tho. Could use your shit sense of humor to keep me entertained. I’m surrounded by people that are talking about the latest drama on their reality tv shows and my crazy uncle larry and omfg I can’t stand it.**

Placing my phone face down in my lap, I looked around to see if I could find someone around my age other than Mikasa I could talk to. I noticed that she wasn’t outside so she was probably getting drinks from inside the garage’s fridge or in the house. Of course, she was the only one that wasn’t over 45 or under 12. Well her and our cousin, Nina, who would just sit and stare at you the entire time, breathing heavily. It was really creepy. And I really don’t want to hang out with the kids. They can be cruel little motherfuckers at times.

 

A familiar buzz made me reflexively look at my phone.

**Levi: Well I am kind of regretting not coming. These kids are actually not half bad. I’ve only made two of them cry. I think I’m losing my touch.**

**Eren: It’s ok bb if you want practice, you can work on your touch and try to get me to cry tonight ;)**

Did I actually just text that? Oh my god… I am so lame.

**Levi: …Wow… Except that it’s not hard to get you to cry, darling.**

True. One time Jean told everyone while we were in high school that I cry during sex. Even though I fought back and told everyone he was lying, it was embarrassingly true. It just happens when I get really emotional and that occurs a lot during sexy times. I can’t help it.

**Eren: Sorry. I’m just sooooooo bored. Why did I decide to come by myself? There’s no one to talk to. Ready to come home and see you.**

Oh wait. It looked like there was a lull in Mom’s conversation. Time to try to talk internship stuff with her. Ah. Never mind. She’s texting someone. I felt my phone vibrate.

**Levi: Well I’m on break right now so…**

Cocking an eyebrow at my boyfriend’s super subtle hint, I typed a reply quickly.

**Eren: What are you wearing? ;)**

After making sure the text sent, I glanced behind and beside me to see if anyone was close enough to look over my shoulder and see what was about to be happening in the middle of a family reunion. All clear.

**Levi: Getting straight to the point, aren’t we?**

**Eren: Nothing straight about this point ;3**

Oh god I loved puns. Too bad Levi hadn’t learned to appreciate them.

**Levi: Please don’t do that… I’m never going to get a boner if you say things like that.**

**Eren: Got it. Why don’t you get us started? I’m gonna see how long I can last sitting next to my mother before I have to make my way to the bathroom. Should be interesting. Gonna get some food first so I can use the plate to cover my lap.**

Putting my phone back in my pocket, I turned to ask Mom if she wanted anything to eat while I was up. After acknowledging that I would get her a root beer, I made my way over to the garage where all the food and beverages were. I was rooting around the fridge for a soda for Mom and a nice cool beer for myself when I received a text.

**Levi: Okay but try not to jizz in your pants right next to your mother. I want you to be able to look her in the eye during dinner.**

**Eren: Pretty sure I can’t do anything worse than when she walked in on us fucking on her kitchen counter when she came it to check on the oven.**

Yeah that was an interesting afternoon. It was not the first time my mother has walked in on us and it won’t be the last. She is aware I am no shame since I inherited most parts of her personality.

 

I grabbed a paper plate and made myself a double bacon cheeseburger. I’m so glad the Jaeger side of my family is obsessed with bacon and made sure they provided it at all cookouts. Once I shoveled a massive mound of potato salad onto the plate, I peeked at what Levi sent me.

**Levi: How did we not remember she was making a pie?**

And that reminds me…

 

I strutted over to the dessert table and sliced a large piece of pie for myself, trying to find a spot on my overflowing plate to put it without wasting another one. Satisfied with my food placement, I went back to the family circle and handed Mom her root beer before sprawling on my own chair and bringing out my phone.

**Levi: Never mind that, let’s get started. You comfy, darling?**

I shifted around on my creaky chair, trying to find the most comfortable position when I replied.

**Eren: As comfy as I’ll ever be sitting in a rickety lawn chair getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.**

Stuffing my face with potato salad, I used a free hand to swat at the mosquitos that decided to swarm me. Why do they always go after me? Mom was sitting right next to me and they won’t even approach her. I must just be extra tasty.

**Levi: You’re not making this easy, you know.**

**Eren: :P Just keep going bb.**

I had finished my potato salad and cracked open my beer, still swatting at those fucking mosquitos when my phone buzzed.

**Levi: Well as long as you’re as comfortable as you’re going to get, I guess I’ll keep going…**

I had taken a giant bite out of my bacon double cheeseburger when the second text went through, making me choke on my food and blood rush straight to my dick.

**Levi: The first thing I’d do to you is run my fingers through your hair, pulling on it lightly. I’d leave you wanting something rougher as I make my way down, scraping my nails down your neck.**

**Eren: Already have a boner ngl**

He shouldn’t be surprised, I basically just have to hear his voice and my dick jumps to attention.

**Levi: Jesus, Eren…**

**Eren: Just keep going.**

**Levi: Don’t blow your load too soon.**

Levi knew I couldn’t promise that but dammit I had to try.

**Levi: I’d reach the collar of your shirt and rip it off, not caring about the fact that it was your favorite.**

**Eren: Awwwwww that’s mean. You know how much I love my Gryffindor shirt…**

 

I chuckled, knowing that my response would annoy him. Mom turned to me and asked, “What’s so funny that you’re on your phone and ignoring your family?”

 

Clutching the phone screen to my chest lest someone saw the words on it, I muttered, “Just texting Levi.” Speaking of which, the phone buzzed, informing me of his response.

 

Mom smiled, “What a coincidence. I’ve been texting him too. Just talking to him about plans for Sunday’s dinner. What do you think about pot roast?”

 

Oh god, he’s been texting my mother while we’re attempting to sext. Thank goodness he’s fantastic at multitasking. Happened to know that firsthand and in many different scenarios. I nodded in answer to her question about food before pulling my phone from my chest and sneaking a glance at the screen.

**Levi: So far your responses have only managed to kill the half chub that I had when we started.**

**Eren: I’ll stop. :( I’ll only reply if I have something to actually contribute.**

**Levi: Good.**

“I know you two are connected at the hip. Trust me, I’ve walked in on you two connected in every which way over the past three years but you’re going to have to let Levi work and talk with your relatives.”

 

My mom’s voice carrying across the large circle of chairs caused everyone’s heads to swivel towards me and for me to suck in a large breath in surprise as I was taking a huge gulp of my beer.

 

I coughed out, “Mom!” As I was dying from hacking up a lung, my phone vibrated. Hopefully Mom won’t catch me looking at it. I really should find Mikasa so it looked like I was socializing. Didn’t see her where the food was so maybe she was inside playing video games with the kids.

**Levi: Once your chest is exposed, I would start kissing your collarbones, making sure I don’t make too many marks.**

**Eren: I’d grab your hair and shove your face on a nipple. You’d better start sucking and biting. I want to be marked.**

After asserting my rather dominant side, I slipped my phone into my pocket immediately feeling the vibration on my thigh. I sighed and grabbed what was left of my beer and the plate of mostly eaten food. Quickly shoving the remaining pie in my mouth, I got up, ready to look for Mikasa lest I get scolded for only talking to my boyfriend. Glad I wasn’t hard enough to embarrass myself, I made my way to the house, heading straight for the living room. Spotting her whooping ass in Mario Cart against our twin six year old cousins, I decided it would be incredibly disturbing if I had a boner surrounded by little kids. I should just make my way to the bathroom.

**Levi: You’re so needy, darling. Of course I would do whatever you’d want me to do. You know I always treat you well.**

**Levi: Once I have you crying for more, I’d move down and dip my tongue into your bellybutton, knowing that you’re ticklish. I love hearing your breathy little laugh.**

He knew that I’ve always been impatient but always insisted on foreplay. He could at least get me off really quick first and then spend more time on round two.

**Eren: Are you going to get to the good stuff or do you want me to die of old age first?**

**Levi: Patience, darling, I’m getting there. Once I stay at your stomach for a few seconds, I’d keep going down and bite right above your pants. I would unzip them and slide everything off with my hands, nosing down to the base of your dick.**

Now we were getting to the good stuff. I glanced around again, seeing if anyone was paying attention to me. Looked like everyone was focused on what was on the tv screen. Rainbow Road was providing a perfect distraction from my rapidly returning hard on. I finally started making my way to the bathroom.

**Eren: Keep going. Please, Levi.**

 

Once I made it to a bathroom, I double checked to make sure the door was locked before I sat down on the toilet lid and unzipped my shorts.

**Levi: While licking and sucking at you, my hands would make my way to your delectable ass. Fingers itching at making their way inside of you and my cock throbbing in anticipation.**

**Eren: Oh fuckkkkkk**

I looked at the countertop next to me and spotted some hand lotion. Oh look, it was unscented too. Perfect and insanely convenient. After pulling out my insanely hard dick, I pumped some lotion into one hand to ease some of the friction before hurriedly stroking myself. Who knew when someone would need the bathroom next. I had to make this quick. I stared at my phone, looking at my newest text.

**Levi: The tips of my fingers graze the rim of your ass, stretched around that black vibrating butt plug I know you like. Do you want me to turn it on?**

Groaning from the pleasure given by my hand and from my incredibly active imagination, I pumped myself even faster.

**Eren: Yes please. I won’t last much longer with it in me tho bb. I need you.**

I placed my phone on the countertop so I could take my free hand to get some more lotion and start massaging my balls, making my way to my hole. Figuring I would hear the buzzing of the device even with my frantic masturbating, I focused on giving myself the most pleasure in the quickest way possible. Quickly pressing a finger inside of myself and thrusting it in and out of my tight hole, I knew I wasn’t going to last long. By imagining it was Levi’s thinner fingers inside of me and his calloused hands playing with my foreskin and roughly stroking my cock, I rapidly approached my climax. Completely forgetting about the fact that Levi was supposed to be texting me, I shoved another finger in and pulled my foreskin back to expose the glistening head. Caressing the sensitive head to collect the leaking pre-cum was what sent me over the edge. Pulling my fingers out of my ass, I used that hand to catch my cum as I was stroking myself through my orgasm, back arched and head thrown back, trying to suppress my whimpers.

 

Sighing, I slouched on top of the toilet seat and grimaced at my sticky cum covered hand. I reached over to press the button on my phone to see what texts Levi had sent while I was unintentionally avoiding him. The lock screen showed that I had no new texts. Weird, he usually let’s me know if he has to go back to work if we’re in the middle of a conversation. Shrugging, I got up and cleaned myself up, making sure to thoroughly wash my hands. Pocketing my phone, I made my way back to where Mikasa was with the kids.

 

After sitting next to my sister kicking ass at Super Smash Bros, my phone finally vibrated. I looked at the screen and immediately got up and ran outside.

**Levi: SHIT ABORT ABORT! I HAVE BEEN SEXTING YOUR MOM!**

Sucking in a breath to shout out to my mom, I noticed her already looking at her phone screen, eyes wide and face growing red. I skidded to a stop at the circle of chairs, letting out a loud wheeze. Obviously Mom heard me because she turned to face me, eyebrows drawn together furiously.

 

“EREN HAKEEM JAEGER! WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT YOU AND LEVI SEXTING AROUND FAMILY MEMBERS?!”

 

Her earsplitting roar caught the attention of everyone outside and…oh look the neighbors are even sticking their faces by the windows to see what that inhuman screech was. By this point I’m pretty sure my face resembles a very ripe tomato but my mother isn’t done yet.

 

“AND APPARENTLY YOU TWO HAVEN’T LEARNED YOUR LESSON BECAUSE NOW I KNOW, IN GRAPHIC DETAIL, HOW LEVI EATS YOU OUT.”

 

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Why? Why does my mom have no shame? I think she lives to embarrass me.

 

I put my steaming face in my shaking hands, groaning softly in mortification. I heard my dad’s guffaws and some other relatives’ awkward giggles. My grandma piped up with a, “Get some!” The women in this family, I swear.

 

Knowing that she has sufficiently humiliated her own son, Mom shoved her phone into her purse and turned back around to start talking to a random aunt.

 

I tried to inconspicuously make my way back to the house.   Or maybe I should stop at the garage to grab something alcoholic so I can drink my shame away and set a great example for the kids. Grabbing two ice-cold beers from the garage fridge and quickly opening one, I ambled to the entertainment room to drink my indignity away surrounded by children. Not like that’s a problem, they’re German, they understand. I shoved the unopened can under my armpit so I could look at my phone.

 

**Levi: I had just gotten a text from your mom when I was about to text you back and I guess I never switched back to our conversation.**

I rolled my eyes as I settled in between Mikasa and our five year old cousin, Lexi, bumping shoulders with my sister in hello. Well I guess that kinda explains what happens. And he calls me a fucking idiot.

**Eren: Way to be, babe.   Just got a talking to in front of the entire family.**

**Eren: Well at least I already came. And I made it to the bathroom. I just figured you were done with your break and had to go back to work or something.**

Mikasa glanced over at me, a smirk playing on her lips. “I heard you were getting it on over text with Levi.”

 

Groaning in exasperation, I was super tempted to just dump the remainder of my beer over her head. Except that would be a waste of good beer so instead I asked, “Mom already told you?”

 

Shrugging, she answered, “Actually Dad texted me when she yelled at you.”

 

Of course my family’s favorite pastime is ganging up on me, the bastards.

**Levi: I came like two seconds before I realized I had been texting your mom. I feel so dirty…**

“Are you two seriously still going?” Mikasa asked incredulously.

 

I scoffed, “Nah. He just says he feels dirty. He’s probably gonna go scrub under his fingernails for the next ten minutes.”

**Eren: Remember what you said about looking my mom in the eye on Sunday? Have fun looking my dad and sister in the eye as well. Yeahhhhhhh should be entertaining.**

**Levi: …Fuck.**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me. I am trash. And am also on the bandwagon that Carla is Turkish so I looked up Turkish baby names for Eren's middle name. Didn't help that Eren is also on the name list and means "saint". Hakeem: wise doctor/ruler Arabic origin – on Turkish baby name list


End file.
